Hitting a hard reset in my 40’s
Gone are the days where people stay in the same career field until retirement. I believe if anything former generations settled in times when perhaps they were miserable in their career fields. I think a light must also be shone that typically men worked outside of the house. In many households, that is no longer the case. Traditional gender roles still do exist in some subcultures; however, in many times women are attempting to hold more roles than ever and expected to still get dinner on the table and be the first line of support for any children. The struggle is real. And I will admit while I do have a supportive husband, I still feel a deep sense of guilt when I ask for help.
But here I am, in my 40’s, hitting a hard reset on so many areas of my life. Why? Staying where I was comprised of areas of my life that I outgrew and things that were never meant for me. The past 5 years, cracked me wide open. Sure the pandemic contributed to that but I had a series of pretty intense life changes that changed my perspective on so many areas of my life. It started when my son had some “mystery virus” in 2019 and ended up in the hospital. It rocked my world and frankly shook me to my core. My little family was flipped upside down and suddenly my workaholic tendencies and needing to charge ahead to the next big milestone for external validatioin was no long important. Since then, I have had a series of large life events including traumas which have forever changed me. My own therapist pointed out that I always push forward and never actually cope or mourn what was. She isn’t wrong but this was also conditioning of my upbringing and something I am currently working through.
After you have been through so pretty serious crap, it does make you pause and ask is this how it is suppose to be or can I change my present and future. I chose to change my present and future to be courageous and brave enough to stop the BS that got me to the chaos and to move forward into a new direction. I made the decision to walk away from my 6 figure career to follow what has always been apart of me all along - connecting with others, communications, relationships, and honoring others stories.
The decision to become a therapist was an easy one but I took weeks researching my options and evaluating graudate programs. While I would have loved to have been in a hybrid or in-person program, there are not any within two hours of my home. I knew the returning to National University to get another graduate degree was the answer. I have deep conversations with my husband about the time investment, incremental student loans, and day to day impact to our family with less income and my time being redistributed. We stepping into this knowing that it would take at least 5 years for me to complete my education, internship, and provisional licensure before being fully licensed. We decided my happiness and finding the balance that I crave is so important that it was a hell yes to move forward.
Now, I am 8 months into my program. I am about 10 months away from interning when I will being the process of partially, hopefully fully, retiring from my former career. There are so many unknowns what that all looks like. There are so many long days, tears, and loneliness going through a program that makes you deeply reflect on your own life, wellbeing, and family. But I know that the outcome to serve my community and to have a new type of balance in my own life will be so sweet. While this is just the beginning, I have never felt more in alignment and at home with my own purpose in life.
