Nobody Taught Us How to Talk About Sex — And It Is Hurting Our Relationships
Yes, I am going there. Sex literally is such a taboo subject for so many growing up. Like for so many years, it is a dirty word much less understanding our own anatomy, the opposite sex, pleasure, and that sex is more than penetration. And somehow we are all supposed to figure out healthy intimacy on our own with a partner who was handed the exact same incomplete information.
No wonder so many couples end up sitting in silence wondering if what they are experiencing is normal.
Here’s the thing though…
Normal is a lot more complicated and a lot more personal than anyone tells you. There is no universal standard for a healthy sex life. Frequency, desire, preferences and pleasure look completely different from couple to couple. What matters is not whether you match some invisible standard but whether both people feel satisfied, heard and connected. You may even find some therapist touting that you need sex a certain amount of times per week and I am here to call bull shit on that.
And most couples are not there. Not because something is wrong with them. But because nobody ever gave them the tools to get there.
What is actually getting in the way…
Stress and mental health showing up in the bedroom whether you want them to or not
Hormones and body changes nobody warned you about
Body image and shame that were handed to you long before you had a partner
Religious and cultural messaging about what you are allowed to want
Neurodivergent wiring and sensory differences that affect intimacy in ways most people never connect
Life transitions like kids, job changes or loss that quietly shift everything
The desire difference conversation nobody is having…
One of the most common things couples bring to sex therapy is desire differences. One partner wants more. The other feels pressured. Neither person is wrong. But without a safe space to talk about it the gap quietly widens until intimacy disappears almost entirely.
And both people are left wondering what happened.
What sex therapy actually is…
It is not weird. It is not extreme. It is not what you are picturing. It is talk therapy. There is no physical contact, no demonstrations, nothing clinical or uncomfortable in that way.
It is just the conversation you never got to have with someone who actually knows what they are talking about and will not judge you for asking. Someone who will go there with you.
Sit with this…
Not is our sex life normal. But are we both getting what we need and if not what would it take to get there?
Because you deserve an answer to that question. And so does your partner.
I currently have immediate openings for couples counseling and sex therapy in Layton, UT and via telehealth throughout Utah. Schedule a free 15 minute consultation. Yes, we can talk about all of it. No judgment, no shame, just real support.
