The Five Freedoms: Virginia Satir's Permission Slip for Being Fully Human
The permission most of us never got
Virginia Satir articulated five freedoms. They sound simple. They are actually radical. Because most of us were not given these permissions growing up. And their absence shapes everything.
These are not things you have to earn. They are not conditional on your behavior or your performance or your compliance. They are simply true. And reclaiming them is part of what healing looks like.
The freedom to see and hear what is here instead of what should be, was, or will be
The freedom to actually perceive reality as it is rather than through the filter of what you were told it should be, what you are afraid it is or what you are hoping it will become.
This is the mindfulness freedom. The permission to be present with what is actually here rather than with the story about what is here.
The freedom to say what you feel and think instead of what you should
The freedom to express your actual inner experience rather than the version that is acceptable, appropriate or safe. To say I am angry rather than I am fine. To say I need this rather than I do not want to be a burden.
This is the congruence freedom. The permission to speak from the inside out.
The freedom to feel what you feel instead of what you ought to
The freedom to have the feelings you actually have rather than the feelings you are supposed to have. To grieve something you are supposed to be relieved about. To feel afraid when you are supposed to be strong. To feel joy without guilt.
This is the emotional freedom. The permission to be human in the full range of human experience.
The freedom to ask for what you want instead of always waiting for permission
The freedom to name your needs and ask for them to be met rather than waiting, hinting, hoping or managing without ever saying what you actually want.
This is the agency freedom. The permission to have needs and to advocate for them.
The freedom to take risks in your own behalf instead of choosing to be only safe and not rocking the boat
The freedom to move toward what you actually want even when it is uncertain, even when people might not approve, even when it requires courage.
This is the growth freedom. The permission to become more of who you actually are rather than staying safely within the bounds of who you were allowed to be.
These five freedoms are what we are building toward in this work. Not as a destination but as a direction. Always more of them. Always more of you.
Candace Lance is a Marriage and Family Therapy Intern (MFT-I) with Aspire Counseling Services supervised by Stefanie Petersen, LMFT. Candace is seeing new clients in Layton in Davis County, Utah and telehealth throughout Utah. If you are seeking mental health support, you can reach out to Candace and she can help direct you to the intake team for your initial appointment. If you are in crisis, please call or text 988. If this is an emergency, please call 911.
