Trauma and Anger: Why It Comes Out Sideways and What to Do About It

Anger is often the most accessible trauma emotion

Grief, fear and shame require vulnerability to express. Anger does not. Anger feels like power in moments when everything else feels powerless. So trauma that contains grief, fear and shame often comes out as anger because anger is easier to access and less exposing.

That does not mean the anger is not real. It is real. It just may not be the whole story.

What trauma anger looks like

Disproportionate responses. The anger that matches the original wound rather than the current trigger. Someone says something that pokes an old injury and the response belongs to then not now.

Hair trigger reactivity. Being in a constant state of low level activation that means any additional stressor tips into anger quickly.

Anger as protection. The wall of anger that keeps people at a distance. Because if people are at a distance they cannot get close enough to hurt you. The anger is doing a job even when it is also causing problems.

What is underneath the anger

Almost always something more vulnerable. Fear. Grief. Shame. The feeling of being violated or disrespected or abandoned. The helplessness of an original situation where you had no power.

Working with trauma anger means going underneath it. Not bypassing the anger or dismissing it but understanding what it is protecting and what needs to be attended to underneath.

Anger is not the enemy

Anger is information. It says something happened that was not okay. That a boundary was crossed. That something matters to you.

Learning to work with anger rather than against it means learning to listen to what it is telling you and then choosing how to respond. Rather than being run by it. That is the work. And it is possible.

 Candace Lance is a Marriage and Family Therapy Intern (MFT-I) with Aspire Counseling Services supervised by Stefanie Petersen, LMFT. Candace is seeing new clients in Layton in Davis County, Utah and telehealth throughout Utah. If you are seeking mental health support, you can reach out to Candace and she can help direct you to the intake team for your initial appointment. If you are in crisis, please call or text 988. If this is an emergency, please call 911.