Infertility and Your Relationship: The Grief Nobody Talks About

This is personal for me too

I navigated infertility. I know what it is like to want something that deeply and to have your body not cooperate. I know what it is like to sit through baby showers while grieving. To feel simultaneously broken and desperate and exhausted.

I also know what infertility does to a relationship. And I want to talk about that because not enough people do.

What infertility does to couples

It puts you through something together that is profoundly hard while simultaneously threatening to put you on opposite sides of it.

You may grieve differently. One of you may want to talk constantly and the other may need to go quiet. One may be ready to try another round of treatment and the other may be at their limit. One may be able to find hope and the other may be protecting themselves from more disappointment.

Those differences are not signs of incompatibility. They are signs that you are two different people grieving the same thing in different ways. But without communication they can start to feel like distance.

What also happens

Sex can start to feel like a job. Or a reminder of failure. The thing that used to be about connection can become medicalized and scheduled and loaded with meaning that has nothing to do with intimacy.

Some couples come through infertility closer. Some come through it changed in ways that take time to understand. Some do not come through it at all.

What makes the difference is usually communication. The ability to say what you actually need even when it is different from what your partner needs. That is where therapy helps.

Immediate openings for couples counseling and individual therapy in Layton, UT and telehealth throughout Utah. To get started, call 801-525-4645 and request Candace Lance. You can also view and my profile on Psychology Today or on Therapy Den.