Panic Attacks and Partnerships: What Your Partner Needs to Know
Panic attacks are terrifying for everyone in the room
If you have experienced a panic attack you know what it feels like from the inside. Heart racing, difficulty breathing, the absolute certainty that something is catastrophically wrong even when nothing is.
If you have been the partner watching someone you love go through a panic attack, you know how helpless and frightening that is too. You want to fix it. You do not know how. You might say the wrong thing and make it worse without meaning to.
What helps and what does not
What does not help is trying to logic someone out of a panic attack. Saying calm down or it is not that bad or you are fine is not wrong because you do not care. It is wrong because the nervous system does not respond to logic during a panic response. The body is in survival mode and needs something to help it come back down, not an argument.
What helps is presence. Steady, calm, not panicked yourself. Your nervous system can co-regulate with theirs. If you stay calm and grounded, their system has something to come back to.
Breathing together helps. Not instructing them to breathe but breathing visibly and slowly yourself so they can follow.
Asking what they need helps. Sometimes it is space. Sometimes it is physical contact. Sometimes it is just someone staying close without talking.
The bigger conversation
Panic attacks that happen regularly in a relationship need more than management strategies. They need understanding. What is driving the anxiety? What is the nervous system trying to protect against? What does each partner need to feel safe?
Those are therapy questions. And they are worth asking.
Candace Lance is a Marriage and Family Therapy Intern (MFT-I) with Aspire Counseling Services supervised by Stefanie Petersen, LMFT. Candace is seeing new clients in Layton in Davis County, Utah and through telehealth throughout Utah. If you are seeking mental health support, you can reach out to Candace and she can help direct you to the intake team for your initial appointment. If you are in crisis, please call or text 988. If this is an emergency, please call 911.
