Religious Trauma and Relationships: When Faith Leaves a Mark

Religion leaves a mark even when you leave it

Whether you left a faith community voluntarily or were pushed out, whether you are still navigating a faith transition or have been out for years, the messages you absorbed growing up do not disappear when you walk out the door.

Messages about your body. About sexuality. About who you are supposed to be as a person and a partner. About what relationships are supposed to look like and what you deserve in them.

What religious trauma looks like in relationships

Shame around sex and physical intimacy that does not have an obvious source. Difficulty expressing needs because you were taught to be selfless to a fault. Black and white thinking about relationship roles that does not fit how you actually want to live. Grief for a community you left and complicated feelings about what you believe now.

For couples where one or both partners navigated religious trauma, the relational dynamics get complicated. Especially if you are at different places in your relationship with faith.

What this is and is not

Therapy for religious trauma is not anti-religion. It is not about telling you what to believe or not believe.

It is about examining the stories that were put on you and deciding which ones are actually yours. About building a relationship with yourself and your partner that is based on who you actually are rather than who you were told to be.

That is exactly the kind of work I do. And it is welcome here.

Candace Lance is a Marriage and Family Therapy Intern (MFT-I) with Aspire Counseling Services supervised by Stefanie Petersen, LMFT. Candace is seeing new clients in Layton in Davis County, Utah and telehealth throughout Utah. If you are seeking mental health support, you can reach out to Candace and she can help direct you to the intake team for your initial appointment. If you are in crisis, please call or text 988. If this is an emergency, please call 911.